(Diary Entry 902) If I Give You Raspberry Cake Donuts Will You Go With Me to the Funeral?


Jewels was on her annual summer trip to her native England and Facetimed me this afternoon. Just moments before our call we both heard the news that Carey was dead as they reported and had somehow survived. That was wonderful, but Jewels went on and on about how tragic the deaths of Amy and Bron were. She had no falling out with them as I did and made it clear that if she weren’t away she’d definitely go to their funerals. That was fine for her but I pressed the NO button when my mom asked if we should upheave our family’s vacation to attend the funerals.

“You’re being petty. They’re dead! How can you not be upset?” Jewel’s asked of me as if my reasons for despising them weren’t  valid– they were. “Death is a delicacy I dare not digest,” I said to Jewels, hoping that my word vomit would cause her to leave it at that. I really just wanted to get her to tell me more about the guy she’s crushing on. She previously told me that I didn’t know him but I, being the infallible lie detector that I am,  knew that was a LIE. She did not change the subject.

“If I give you raspberry cake donuts would you come with me to the funeral?” she asked, trying to hypothetically tempt me with my undeniable sweet tooth. I laughed; neither one of us was in the continental US so both her desire and my disinterest to attend the funerals was irrelevant. “No, babe, but that’s a good one. I might accept that bribe for something else,” I told her.

Jewels had to go. I spent the next fifteen minutes ordering Carey a “get well soon” basket from me, Jayson, and Jewels to be sent to the hospital the report said he was at. I hope he pulls through. I then put the phone down and looked out at the water. Jayson, Mom, Dad and myself were on a rented yacht and that offered a wonderful distraction that would prevent my mind from diving into trying to unravel what had happened.